after David Attenborough
Planet Earth II is thinner than ever
Planet Earth II contains the following upgrades and bug fixes:
Interfaith dialogue
Patience
Context
Colour-blind police
Infinite non-renewable energy sources
Only your favourite foods
Only your favourite people
Only tolerable music
2016 removed as causing problems for some users
Enhanced type face
Compliments-only setting
As many chances as you need
As many bullets as you need
Planet Earth II has had the headphone jack removed
Planet Earth II is now remorse-free
Planet Earth II also comes with:
Sleep mode
Benefit of the doubt
Unlimited hindsight
Free wi-fi
The ability to add or remove children
Loneliness-to-wisdom converter
Compulsory sport
Compulsory art
Compulsory empathy
No first-hand shops
1 complimentary hug at the beginning and end of each day
Peanut Butter now tax-deductible
All toilets unisex
All colours gender neutral
Planet Earth II was designed in California and assembled in China
Planet Earth II is repayable in easy monthly instalments
Planet Earth II allows you to love the right person first time round
Planet Earth II contains no small print
Planet Earth II is all small print
Planet Earth II is only sunrises
Planet Earth II is only destinations
Planet Earth II is only Ts and Cs
Planet Earth II reserves the right to
Planet Earth II begs the question
Planet Earth II is yours for just
Planet Earth II is currently out-of-stock
This poem, written by Ben Norris, is taken from the collection ‘A Change of Climate‘, a collection of poems written about climate change from poets across the world, with all proceeds going to the Environmental Justice Foundation.
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