After carefully constructing a research paradigm,
Analysing the data, ensuring all facts align;
It’s time I told others of my latest break through,
But first I must send it out for review.
I search for a journal of prestige and fame,
One that is worthy to carry my name;
Then I format the text in the way I am told,
Using a system that’s tired and old.
Shortly after submitting I receive a reply:
“Dear Dr Illingworth could you please clarify
How you turn science into such art;
Each word that you write goes straight to the heart.
Your research will help re-define our publication!”
Alas, ‘twas just my imagination.
As I wake from my dreaming of nobles and fame
To this auto response of lesser acclaim:
“Your manuscript will be processed in due course.”
In due course,
Nine months, three days, two hours and
Thirty-seven seconds to be exact
An email enters my inbox –
Explodes on impact.
Reviewer 1 has these words to say:
“Making sense of this data’s
Like finding needles in hay.”
Reviewer 2 do you have a more open mind?
“I think that this manuscript’s a complete waste of time,
Full of errors and blunders and I don’t want wish to be mean
It reads like an essay from a misguided teen.”
Reviewer three, please say something kind.
“Is this researcher of good health and sound mind?”
Then under these comments
Writing clearly in red
The three syllables that all researchers dread:
My lip starts to wobble,
My eyes start to well;
So I delete the email,
Damn the reviewers to hell!
For I needn’t worry,
This research will bear fruit;
I’ll just submit to a journal of lesser repute.
This is a cathartic poem that I wrote following some recent comments about my research that were less than complimentary. I hope that it helps others to get through similar trials and tribulations…